Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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