I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
