I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My penis needs a shock collar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize