Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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