1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
