you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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