Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I will die if light touches me.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
