it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
