I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
