omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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