I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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