Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
