You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
