um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
