My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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