fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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