just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
