wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
