my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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