I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
