you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
