Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
