that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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