we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
