does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
foreskin is a definite game changer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
