I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
