so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
