She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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