I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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