we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
