she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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