shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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