That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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