last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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