I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
