Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
40s are totally the cure
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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