I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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