his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
