I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to sanitize my soul.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
