If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
