just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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