last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
