I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
