i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
