I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
