You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
