i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
