oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
