i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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