i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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