Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
