i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
