my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
