Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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