I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
