STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
