the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
