Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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