Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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