Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
