Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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