i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
