Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Boobs are out for the taking
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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