His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
