I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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