Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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