How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
