Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
