I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
