all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
