ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
