His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
