I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
