ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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