oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
