You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
