...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
