with your own penis?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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