you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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