Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
