Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
