How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
