Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize