You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
