girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
