I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
