Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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