Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
