And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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