Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
