I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
