why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize