Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
