my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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