I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize