I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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