Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
