youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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