My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
