And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
