I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
