Me too!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
