U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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