i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
