I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
