Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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