can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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