Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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