guys are only as good as the porn they watch
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
