Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
